A mom's question: "My five year old daughter loves people. How can I teach her that it’s not okay to talk or hug everyone she meets?"
Here is my perspective:
When my son was five he was very open and outgoing and loved talking to adults. I was conflicted on how best to approach the subject of strangers, searching for a logical non-threatening explanation.
Adults don’t realize that we give children conflicting ideas when dealing with strangers. Although we tell our children not to talk to strangers, they witness their parents talking to strangers all the time. We say hello to people we pass in the street when strolling. We have conversations with strangers while waiting in lines at the grocery store or clothing store. When someone says how cute our child is, we sometimes turn to our child and ask, “Can you say hello to the nice lady.” Besides at this age, you are practically always at their side, so you need to prepare them for the times you are not with them.
Here are just a few of the things we teach in our free stranger awareness program we offer twice a year at our school. This program* is awesome and I recommend** everyone to go see it with your child.
First, you must define – who is a stranger to your child. When I told my five year old son he couldn’t speak to strangers, he kept assuring me he wouldn’t. Then a few months later, he asked me, “Mommy, what’s a stranger?” Blew me away! I never defined the word. I just assumed he knew what a stranger was. Remember sometimes a “stranger” can be someone they know, like a neighbor that lives down the street, but you don’t know very well.
Second, don’t tell them that all strangers want to hurt them. That’s not true. It’s better for you to teach them the scenarios that may come up. Our program does just that. We use plenty of role-play and so should you. Give them the tools to deal with strangers. We teach what to do when a stranger initially approaches or asks them a question. We cover several rules that they must follow.
One rule is that adults that need help MUST ask other adults, not children. Role-play the ploys that stranger use, like giving them candy, money, asking help to look for a missing dog, or getting that free bike out of their van or garage. Remember if a stranger asks your child to do anything, they MUST have your permission FIRST. No ifs, ands, or buts.
Third, point out people that your child can trust if he or she gets lost in a store, the cashier, the security guard, a mom with kids. If you have more than one child and are going out in a crowd, such as a fair or carnival, take a tip from schools, dress the children with the same bright colored shirts. When you need to, it’s easier to find a block of color right away.
Parents must be coaches, making their children more confident in their own abilities to handle certain situations. Even at the age of five, we can prepare them by giving them the tools and ideas that are effective. We must learn to make abstract words and concepts more concrete for children this or any age.
*copywrite program by Ambrose Academy 1994
**My recommendation is based on clients' comments, plus it is good.
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