The 8 Social and Emotional Benefits of Parent's Night Out Event

By Elizabeth Ambrose Children's Instructor at Ambrose Academy in Livonia, Michigan

What Martial Art Life Skills can be derived by children when you host a Parent's Night Out event?  

How about Social and Emotional life skills that when presented in the right atmosphere, can elevated self-esteem, gain self-worth, better self-regulation, and more confidence dealing with social interactions.


Whenever we offer a parents night out event, children descend upon our establishment with great anticipation and excitement. For three and a half hours, parents get a chance to go out to a movie, dinner with friends or maybe stay at home for a few child-free hours of relaxation. The cost we charge is minimal for families and students can bring a friend for free.


It was suggested to me that we should advertise our events to non-students. I prefer to keep the event for students, their siblings and close friends. This creates a feeling of community allowing the children to interact with each other in a relaxed and nurturing environment without the added stress of little strangers reeking havoc. Not only do they have a great time getting to know and play with their classmates, they reap the many benefits associated with this unique social event.  The 8 Social and Emotional Benefits for children when you host a Parent's Night Out event are:

Creating Memories

Quiet time - hanging out with new friends

I love putting together an event and have the result be a happening worth remembering. Creating memories is one of my favorite things. The children should experience a positive, unique, and fun social event.

How do you create a memorable evening? Make sure activities let their strengths shine either cognitively or physically. Allow for free play, even near-rambunctious play for a few minutes to let out all that pent up energy. Make sure creativity is sparked by unexpected sources, such as props, face paint, craft corner, even bongo drums. Have structured play led by a mentor or leader. Put aside time for quiet play, reading, gaming, where children can be in close proximity to each other, sitting in groups talking.  And of course, don't forget awesome snacks and the water keg.

So proud of their face paint

Building Goodwill

The goodwill it builds is wonderful. Parents have thanked us profusely for the wonderful evening they were able to have or just for a peaceful time to be quiet and indulge in self-care. The kids get to run around in what I call "organized chaos" allowing them to release pent up energy, especially during the wintry months when they are stuck indoors. Parent and children get to blow off some steam and hopefully come back together much more relaxed and centered. We want to build positive community experience at our school, offering children another safe place to enjoy.

 Let's Flex Those Social Development Muscles

A teacher's goal is to set up activities that touch on the four domains of childhood development. The four domains are cognitive, physical, social and emotional. In our classes, we create opportunities to engage all four domains whenever possible. Although children get plenty of cognitive, physical, and emotional exercises in a good martial art life skills setting, there is less opportunity for real social competence training. Hanging out with peers, with minimal adult intervention, allows them to experience further growth in the social and emotional domains. They get to experience the stresses of interacting with peers in a safe space, learn from those experiences, are supported by staff with suggestions and guidelines leading toward emotional self-regulation (take into account other's reactions and feelings.) Peer acceptance is a critical factor in the well-being of children.


Erik Erikson, a developmental psychologist known for his theory of on psychological development of human beings, believed that eight psycho-social stages of development focus on the resolution of different crises to become a successful and complete person.


During elementary school stage, children between the ages of 6-12 face the task of industry vs. inferiority. Children begin to compare themselves to peers seeking to answer the question, "How do I measure up?' They either develop a sense of pride and accomplishment or they feel inferior and inadequate in their schoolwork, relationships, and activities. Practice makes progress! Those that practice and work (industry) at their social skills help to resolve this conflict positively and with experience lead children to develop a sense of competency at useful skills and tasks.


By giving the children plenty of opportunities to interact with each other in many different ways, such as structured play, free play, creative play, and quiet play in a nurturing and inclusive environment, then social skills can be developed positively well before adolescence.

Building Bonds of Friendship

The children have little time to socialize during class, so an event like this allows them to play, talk, and be together in an environment that promotes positive peer pressure, the bonds of friendship, to strengthen and to form new ones. Our staff makes sure that interactions are as positive and supportive as possible, offering quick mediation and resolution when any issue arises. Kids teaching kids, is one of the best kinds of learning. They quickly learn the lesson of making friends - that being good human beings to one another is a win-win.


In contrast to friendship, peer acceptance and rejection can be one sided. Friendships are a reciprocal relationship, a two way street. Friends talk and listen to one another. Friends offer support and loyalty, and respect and acknowledge each other's perspective. Friendship require more attention and effort. At events like Parent's Night Out, children have an opportunity to forge and strengthen a friend relationship that was started in class but never fully developed. To make a friend and to have them in your life for as long as possible is a true blessing. It means someone likes you best, an awesome feeling.

Mixed Age Group Interactions

Ages 5 to 15

It's like having a one-room schoolhouse! Children get to interact and socialize over a range of age groups giving them a more rounded social experience. Kids teaching kids again! It's good to see when an older child takes interest in helping a younger one and younger children gets attention that they seldom get to experience from an older age group. This interaction between students, gives us insights about a child's personality and behavior and allows us to tailor our program to their strengths and weaknesses in the social and emotional domains.



 Lev Vgotsky, an early child development theorist, developed the Vgotsky's Sociocultural Theory whose major theme of this theoretical framework is that social interaction plays a fundamental role in the development of cognition. I agree that there is much benefit for a child when a more experienced peer is able to provide the learner with "scaffolding" to support the student’s evolving understanding of knowledge domains or development of complex skills. Collaborative learning, discourse, modelling, and scaffolding are strategies that support the intellectual knowledge and skills of learners and facilitate intentional learning."


When an older child plays or mentors a younger one, skills and information are passed down with another perspective that a younger child may understand more readily and with good retention.

Building an Extended Community

The children get to bring a friend. This is good for our school environment. It brings together like-minded people. Children get to introduce friends to a new cool environment, taking pride in their school. Meeting friends means that I may get a new student that is as nice as the one I have now. It's a win-win. It expands our school's positive community, and creates an even more comfortable, nurturing and knowable atmosphere for the children in class.

Hanging Out with Mentors and Role-Models

Nerf Captains

Children get to interact and get to know better their role models and mentors in a new way seeking them out for support and for play. The leadership team makes sure that games and interactions are positive, friendly and safe. They also represent the "more expert peer" that help facilitate learning. For the older children, learning to "care give" younger ones is an exercise in patience and communication. This type of event helps older children gain good leadership and volunteer experience that are good on a resume submitted to National Honor Societies and colleges.

Building Camaraderie Back in the Classroom

Back in the classroom, camaraderie is elevated. Support and encouragement from their peers makes class more enjoyable and rewarding. The children experience newfound comfort and trust in their environment, in the interactions with each other, and that they are safe to be who they are without judgment or ridicule, building true self-esteem. They find acceptance and inclusiveness, a place that supports their personal growth. This strengthens emotional and social fortitude and stability.



Whether an event at Ambrose Academy is a Parent's Night Out, WCD Lock-in, holiday parties, or other group event, the purpose is to be a service to our school's community, to guide personal growth cognitively, physically, socially and emotionally, facilitating the well-being of our students and strengthening the relationships they have with the people they love. We want our students to take ownership, to look upon the school as their school, their club, their place, and a place that is consistent, nurturing and always welcoming.

Crafty Kung Fu Girls

The school has an unprecedented number of girl members.  It is so nice to see that girls want to participate in the martial arts and no longer think it as a "boys only" domain.  This past year the number of girls in my school doubled surpassing the boy student body, making it a 2 to 1 ratio for a while.  The class is now about 50/50.

I also want our school to be more than just a martial art school. I envision the school as a place akin to a community center that offers special events, enrichment classes, and happenings that will excite and build a bond between the students and the school.  I want it to become their club, another nurturing and safe place to be,  a highly positive environment, where creativity is always encouraged, and a freedom to be themselves a must.

I decided to offer a class and invited the girls to my first craft party. Fourteen girls showed up and it was a blast. It was a whirlwind of activity. As I was helping Samantha with her project, my attention was suddenly drawn to the background of voices, the din of activities, the girls engrossed in their projects happily creating, the excitement and positive energy that was all around me.

I felt so fulfilled and happy.  It was a happening!

I looked up to see the girls in groups all over the floor, at the painting table, at the ribbon table, making their choices and complementing each other.  I saw my helpers, Amy, Evelyn, Tessa, Alyssa, and the other moms that were drawn to stay helping the girls with their designs.  Grandma G. sitting on the floor using a hair dryer to help dry the paint more quickly with three girls around her watching. Mrs. M with a constant tear of joy in her eyes, bless her. Everyone happily working, being creative, using their hands, creating their own style and thoroughly enjoying the party.

It's still all kung fu to me.  It's a way of expressing oneself - honestly. Each girl showed off her personality and individuality in their pieces. I was amazed that six year old Samantha was so positive in her choices, never asking me for an opinion on what to do.  She picked out everything and proceeded to tell me how and where to place her design.

Amy and I helping the girls with the sewing machines.

Then of course we just had to have a runway show.  It capped off the event beautifully.   I created a wonderful memory for myself, one that I know will stay with me for a long time and I hope will stay with everyone who was there.

By the way, ignore the woman with the two left feet that falls down at the end of the video.





Now what to do with the boys.....

Back to School Blues

They fall for it everyday.  "We have some awesome, exciting news!"

Eyes fill with excitement and anticipation waiting to get the awesome news. "What? What?"

"There's only 14 more days before school starts!"

The groans, grimaces, and hunching over in abject defeat.

Children really don't appreciate their martial arts instructor counting down the days at every class that "regular" school will soon start.

I look at it as a public service.  Yeah, that's the ticket.

I'm giving them the news everyday so that they get used to the idea and maybe not groan, grimace, and hunch over in defeat when the time comes, at least not so much.

The Seed of Positive Thinking

When someone asks you to try something you have never done before, it's natural to feel hesitation. For a four or five year old its downright intimating.  Some kids won't try at all because they're afraid of making a mistake or looking foolish.  How does one become a perfectionist at the age of five, anyways?

Michael continued to say class after class, "I can't do it.  I don't know how. I can't do that very good."

"Of course you don't know how.  There is always the first time for everyone.  So what if we can't do it the first time, we are just learning how to do it.  We're teaching our body and brains how to do it.  So... Go, Mike."

Michael does it perfectly, or his efforts show great promise. Praise and high fives all around.

"Well, Mike.  I guess I can't believe you anymore."

Michael's eyes get big. "Why?"

"Because every time you tell me you can't do it, you go and do it perfectly the first or second time. So I guess I can't believe you when you tell me you can't.  As a matter of fact, the ONLY person that ever says that you can't do something is, let me see.....

Not me. I always know you can do it.  Not Destiny (his six year old sister and classmate today) because she's always encouraging and offers suggestions on how to do it better, so she obviously believes you can do it too.  Everyone else believes you can do it. Yes, the only person that says you can't do it is Michael.  Your body can do it, because your body is doing it correctly all the time, but your brain is telling it it can't. I wonder why that is? Why does Mike's brain keep telling Mike he can't do stuff?"

Michael makes a surprising discovery.  He points his finger in the air and earnestly says, "My brain is trying to fool me!"

Self Discipline

Most martial arts schools that teach children usually offer a word of the month or concept or question of the month.

A few months ago, our question of the month was, “What is discipline?” I'm surprised when the kids in our class give us only one definition for discipline, that it means punishment.

While this is a valid definition, we need to teach a more positive outlook on discipline. In the most basic sense, discipline means self-control, which should be applied in two ways.

First you need the strength to keep from doing the things that get you into trouble, such as dishonesty or disruptive behavior. Second is the strength you have, inside, to do what you know is right. The strength to put homework before play, to get along with siblings as well as other family members, to keep your room clean, to eat the right foods, to get the right amount of sleep, and to live up to your responsibilities to the family and household. 

Discipline can be imposed by authority figures (parents, teachers, etc). And this is, generally, a necessary and desirable first step, as discipline is often a matter of repetition in order to develop consistency.

However, the discipline we need to instill in our young people is self-discipline. It is one trait which when mastered makes life easier, less stressful, and more fun.

As adults, the consequences of an undisciplined life can be disastrous. With growing responsibility thrust upon them, an unfocused vision of life means that some may flounder for years just trying to get their act together.

Often, our martial arts school is the first to convey to young people such concepts as self-discipline, focus, respect and responsibility in very concrete ways, in ways children can relate and understand.  That is what is great about most martial arts programs.

By introducing the concepts of self-discipline, responsibility and focus at an early age, plus encouraging children to practice, explore and take these concepts outside of the kwoon (school), you help make their lives better. It's not about (the approval of) their parents, teachers, or friends, although it is a great fringe benefit when everyone is proud of you, but it's more about them (their own self satisfaction). Self-discipline is a trait or habit that yields a very satisfying and rewarding life.

Usually your students stay with you at least a couple of years if not more. We as educators (that is what we are as martial arts instructors) can make a positive impact and continually reinforce behavior that makes the child stronger in will and character. If you can get just a few of them to start thinking about it now even at the age of six, seven, or eight, they will be much better off later.