All Girl Class

The demographic of today’s class was different than the usual.  After we bowed in, I realized that the students today were all girls, nine of them to be exact, ages 8-13. This has never happened before. No male students, which means, that for the girls, the male cootie count was almost non-existent. There was a noticeable change in their demeanor.  The girls were more relaxed, socially ignited, and very happy to be a crew of all female martial artists. It was going to be interesting to see how this dynamic would play out. 

One of my favorite things about teaching children martial arts, is not what I am about to teach them, it is what I am about to observe and learn from them.  And with this group of budding female martial artists, I knew I was about to gain a new insight, if only I could get them to stop grinning at each other, grabbing each other’s hands, and talking a mile a minute.

I decided to drop the usual curriculum and concentrate on anti-abduction techniques we present at our women’s self defense seminars.  When I told them we were learning “secret girl techniques” they were “tickled pink.”  Sorry, I had to say it. They practiced grab escapes, kicking drills that target the knee, and targeting the eyes to set up their get away. As always when lessons are over, I asked what game or drill they would like to play before going home, wondering what an all girl crew would pick?

Surprise! One of the girls, petite L, wanted to play Battle Ball, a variation on the game Dodge Ball.  All the girls really wanted to play, which surprised me.  In Battle Ball, you stay in the game if you block the incoming ball with a kick, an arm block, a catch, or by punching the ball. After a while we throw in a second ball.

At first I thought this was an unusual request for the girls. The boys always dominate when playing Battle Ball and always make sure to get all the girls out first, even going so far as to double team to do it.   (By the way, is this a secret unwritten boy rule or just thousands of years of genetic code?”)

But then it hit me. (Pun, intended.) The girls never get a chance to finish a game. In reality, they barely get any game time at all, let alone ever be the last one standing.  Without the boys there, they could compete on an equal footing within their own peer group. It meant that this time, at last, the winner was always going to be a girl.

The dodge balls we use are super-spongy and soft.  Some of the boys can make those things fly, so it can sting a little, but nothing like the cannonballs of rubber that we used to hurl at one another when I was a kid.  Those things could drop you where you stood.  “Stretcher please!”

Before, the girls rarely got the chance to experience the full range of drama that is the game of Battle Ball. I assumed that the girls would step it up a notch and show a more competitive spirit because this time, there was a real chance to win. But they fell into the same pattern as that when playing with the boys. It seemed automatic, running away, hiding, and throwing the ball from too far away or without aiming at a target. I thought, “Come on. What is there to be afraid of?” and then the cliché bubbled up,  “You all throw like girls anyways?” Boy, am I sexist or what? Only one of the eight girls played full out, and she dominated the game. Of course, it was petite L. who had asked to play it.

I felt frustrated because this was not what I had expected. Here was a chance for the girls to be more assertive; to take a chance, but a few didn’t even try. I assumed that since there were no boys that the girls would alter the way they played the game. But they played the game exactly the same. Those that didn’t try automatically believed there was no chance to win.  The girls that made an effort but played it safe rarely won, but their hope burned eternal. The girl that didn’t think twice when an opportunity presented itself, won.

I took the game a step further. I gave each of the girls a ball and we picked one girl.  She had to block everything coming in.  No turning and running, no hiding behind another classmate.  We did this over and over again until they could stand there fearless and block every ball coming in.  Then the girls practiced going after the ball, to take the chance to grab it before the other person.  They practiced holding onto the ball and getting very close to their opponent and targeting.  A second ball was introduced to increase the difficulty. After the game, we talked about fear, assertiveness, confidence, awareness, cunning, and technique.  The difference was that they were now playing with their eyes open and willing to face whatever was coming at them, not shutting their eyes and running away. Did it sink in or will they revert immediately to the same patterns when the game goes co-ed?

But wait, the girls didn’t try to hurt one another did they? The boys’ ability to hurl the ball like a stinging missile with the hope of hearing that wonderful “smack” sound coming off someone’s face, was their eternal joy. This element of the game was missing. Under these conditions would the girls revert to their old ways?

This class makes me think about starting a class for the girls only.