Bowling for Kids

A game, I've learned is a great way to convey lessons.  It may not look so from the outside looking in, but playing a good, raucous, and challenging game will teach more than words ever could.

Of all the games I play, the Lil' Dragons love a game called "Bowling for Kids." Yes it is exactly like it sounds. I am the bowler and they are my pins.  Lucky me.

For some reason beyond me, this is their favorite game.  They will ask to play it as soon as they come through the door.  Whenever I request a suggestion for a game, the Lil' Dragons shout out in chorus, "Bowling for Kids!" It such a simple premise for a game and requires no special skills.  Maybe that's why they love it.

If mowing down little children with a ball sounds like a wish come true, well... I can't help it if they love it too.

What they learn: Controlling the panic response, keeping their eye on the ball, moving in a crowd without knocking anyone over, bravery, overcoming obstacles.

What they love: Running around screaming, dodging, jumping the ball, falling dramatically, cheering, and winning.

Winner - Nickelodeon Parents' Picks Award

For Martial Arts Class
in Detroit

Thank you!

This is an announcement that we are very proud to make. Our school, Ambrose Academy is the winner of the Nickelodeon's Parents' Picks Award for 2009 in the martial arts category. We want to thank all of you that voted for us. Some of you were faithfully voting every day. You know who you are! Special thanks. You made it happen and we appreciate all the support you have given us.

If you would like to see that little blue ribbon next to our name, head over to Nickelodeon's Parents Connection, an online resource for parenting advice and community, which handled the voting.

Parents' Picks businesses were nominated based on recommendations from Nickelodeon's local city editors that live and work in the cities they cover, in conjunction with the sites' user feedback. Only five martial arts schools were nominated for the Detroit Metropolitan area for 2009.

You may ask what do we win? A nice certificate and bragging rights for the year. Considering this was the first year of the awards, our selection to be on the list came from Nickelodeon itself making this award more significant and a great honor.

After this year, other prospective nominees can request to be included for next year's vote, so I'm sure that the field will be much larger.

Our thanks and gratitude to the best students around.

I'm exhausted - Fun & Games at Summer Day Camp

Okay I’m exhausted!

Every year I hold a Fitness Summer Day Camp for just one week at our Livonia school - usually open to our students only. Every once in a while a friend or family member joins the camp, so it isn’t really closed to the public. So if you’re interested my recommendation is to check the camp out. Since the camp is geared for fitness, sports, nutrition, and martial arts our day is full with physical activities and lessons about life long exercise and nutrition. Beyond the martial art classes, the nutrition sessions at lunch, there are plenty of organized and free playtimes.

By the end of the week we are all exhausted so our usual Friday afternoon swim is a blessed relief. I’m talking about me. The kids are still moving around and exercising. I get to sit pool side with my fan and keep a constant head count while the kids and volunteers play in the water for a couple of hours.

The children always look forward to the camp. I know that our camps are successful because I’ve heard the children beg their parents to be there. Children that sign up for only three days end up coming the full five, only because they are having a blast. They get to socialize with their fellow classmates, something they don’t get to do normally because they are always training in class. So these get-togethers help strengthen friendships and forge new ones. This camp a new six-year-old non-member joined in the fun. As soon as all the six year olds met, they started comparing notes on how many teeth were lost so far, what Transformer they wanted to be, and what video games were their favorites. Ah, instant connection.

Again I get to watch the dynamic of the group develop since the ages of the campers range from five to fourteen. I cap the number of attendees to twenty. They may start out by staying in their age group or gender group, but by the end of the week, new friends, new role models to follow, and new playmates are found over and over. It becomes one big friend group. It’s pretty cool to watch.

The weather was incredible all week. When the weather cooperates it gives me a great deal of flexibility in planning the outdoor activities. We all have a blast no matter what the weather because I have a few tricks up my sleeve just in case. Parents tell me that their children sleep like rocks during the week and so do I.

The feedback is tremendous. One mom wondered why her daughter was reading the food labels at the supermarket. Parents tell me that their children are asking for healthier snacks. Of course, I know that it won’t last too long, but at least they are thinking about better nutritional choices. A seed has been planted. They also tell me that their children keep asking to come back to camp.

Every camp builds on the last one. They are truly special events. There are always plenty of surprises. We make sure the camps are really fun, full of activities, and keep the children moving and working off extra calories and excess energy. I’m sure I lost a couple of pounds myself. They are exercising all day long and don’t realize it because it’s all fun and games.

Climbing exercise - parkour style.

WCD Lock In - A Great Time

A few months back, we had a school sleep over, or what is commonly called the WCD (Wing Chun Do) Lock In or Parents Night Out. My list had 28 culprits on it, although I’m sure there are no budding delinquents in the group, we lock them in, just in case of an escape attempt.

This time, it should be interesting. Since Beloved went off to college I have resisted holding any special events at our school. He was such a piped piper, that I felt without him the event lost its “cool” aspect. He led most of the activities and set up the games. So it has been two years since I held the Wing Chun Do Lock In.

I feel differently about it now. The children that used to follow him around and hang on his every word have grown up. They’re the cool kids now. They have become a tight knit group of black belts and leaders and they like each other’s company. The newer students don’t even know who Beloved is, Jim’s the cool guy now.

Another thing I love is to watch is how the group dynamic plays out. Sometimes I get anxious when I have a weird mix of ages or not enough of one age. I want to make sure that everyone feels inclusive. But I am always pleasantly surprised. With children ranging from 5 to 14, it’s interesting to see what groups form, who gravitates to who, who plays best together, where the girls fit in with each other, which of the older children will play gently with the younger ones. I feel like I am a schoolmarm in rural America. All ages of children are under one roof, one class.

To my surprise, all 28 screaming children descended upon the school ready for riotous fun, games and unfettered chaos. All I ask that they stay on the side of caution. Although it may seem outside the realm of reason, I do believe that children should be allowed to go all out in play. Just as they play outside on the playground, I allow them to do so indoors. This is a whole new concept for them. You mean I can run around like a nut, yelling my head off, and no one cares?

My strategy is to let them blow off all that extra energy. They are so excited and completely energized about spending the night with their friends. After the first hour of running around like nuts, they start to settle down. We now can play organized games, watch a movie, or have a bit of quiet time.

Let’s see what happened this time. Girls. This is the first sleep over where there were 14 girls to 14 boys. This tipped the scale. In the past the girl ratio was half or less to that of the boys. Their favorite thing to do was… chase the boys, of course.

One in particular, nine year old Joshua was the girl’s favorite. He had no less than seven girls chasing him about the school. Poor boy. I felt concerned and told him that he just had to say the word and I would gladly put a stop to it. He wasn’t interested, he liked it.

As I watched the action, I saw a glimmer of what the girls saw in him. At one point he runs into the room sliding dramatically to a stop. His hair had fantastic movement to it. It flowed forward, covered his face as he came to a stop then flowed back, almost in slow motion. Sibok (Rocco’s title, meaning chief instructor) and I looked at each other. Did you see that? No wonder the girls are chasing him, the boy looks like a rock star. It doesn’t hurt that he looks like Zac, the lead in High School Musical. He’s doomed.

Jim, the lead volunteer helper is eighteen years old. In our meeting earlier, we discussed recognizing when the frenzy level gets too high. At the peak of play, the noise level settles at a certain decibel or tonality. After years of experience, I have learned that there is a perceptible change in tonality or frequency when the play becomes too raucous. It’s a recognizable early warning system. Warning: a child is going to cry soon or a quarrel is on its way. A quick call to attention immediately drops the energy level to a low hum again.

Jim recognizing that the mayhem was about to get out of hand yelled “Attention!” Good man, he’s learning fast. The children stopped in their tracks and became silent, waiting for his instructions. “Little kids, little kids, you need to slow down and play more quietly. There are small children, watch out for them.” A small voice came from the corner of the room, “I’m a very small child, and I am playing quietly.”

Friendly Fives - Children Safety Issues

Recently I answered a stranger safety question on another site, a question that I have been personally asked many times before and thought this would be helpful to my students and friends as well.

A mom's question: "My five year old daughter loves people. How can I teach her that it’s not okay to talk or hug everyone she meets?"

Here is my perspective:

When my son was five he was very open and outgoing and loved talking to adults. I was conflicted on how best to approach the subject of strangers, searching for a logical non-threatening explanation.

Adults don’t realize that we give children conflicting ideas when dealing with strangers. Although we tell our children not to talk to strangers, they witness their parents talking to strangers all the time. We say hello to people we pass in the street when strolling. We have conversations with strangers while waiting in lines at the grocery store or clothing store. When someone says how cute our child is, we sometimes turn to our child and ask, “Can you say hello to the nice lady.” Besides at this age, you are practically always at their side, so you need to prepare them for the times you are not with them.

Here are just a few of the things we teach in our free stranger awareness program we offer twice a year at our school. This program* is awesome and I recommend** everyone to go see it with your child.

First, you must define – who is a stranger to your child. When I told my five year old son he couldn’t speak to strangers, he kept assuring me he wouldn’t. Then a few months later, he asked me, “Mommy, what’s a stranger?” Blew me away! I never defined the word. I just assumed he knew what a stranger was. Remember sometimes a “stranger” can be someone they know, like a neighbor that lives down the street, but you don’t know very well.

Second, don’t tell them that all strangers want to hurt them. That’s not true. It’s better for you to teach them the scenarios that may come up. Our program does just that. We use plenty of role-play and so should you. Give them the tools to deal with strangers. We teach what to do when a stranger initially approaches or asks them a question. We cover several rules that they must follow.

One rule is that adults that need help MUST ask other adults, not children. Role-play the ploys that stranger use, like giving them candy, money, asking help to look for a missing dog, or getting that free bike out of their van or garage. Remember if a stranger asks your child to do anything, they MUST have your permission FIRST. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Third, point out people that your child can trust if he or she gets lost in a store, the cashier, the security guard, a mom with kids. If you have more than one child and are going out in a crowd, such as a fair or carnival, take a tip from schools, dress the children with the same bright colored shirts. When you need to, it’s easier to find a block of color right away.

Parents must be coaches, making their children more confident in their own abilities to handle certain situations. Even at the age of five, we can prepare them by giving them the tools and ideas that are effective. We must learn to make abstract words and concepts more concrete for children this or any age.

*copywrite program by Ambrose Academy 1994

**My recommendation is based on clients' comments, plus it is good.

Self Discipline

Most martial arts schools that teach children usually offer a word of the month or concept or question of the month.

A few months ago, our question of the month was, “What is discipline?” I'm surprised when the kids in our class give us only one definition for discipline, that it means punishment.

While this is a valid definition, we need to teach a more positive outlook on discipline. In the most basic sense, discipline means self-control, which should be applied in two ways.

First you need the strength to keep from doing the things that get you into trouble, such as dishonesty or disruptive behavior. Second is the strength you have, inside, to do what you know is right. The strength to put homework before play, to get along with siblings as well as other family members, to keep your room clean, to eat the right foods, to get the right amount of sleep, and to live up to your responsibilities to the family and household. 

Discipline can be imposed by authority figures (parents, teachers, etc). And this is, generally, a necessary and desirable first step, as discipline is often a matter of repetition in order to develop consistency.

However, the discipline we need to instill in our young people is self-discipline. It is one trait which when mastered makes life easier, less stressful, and more fun.

As adults, the consequences of an undisciplined life can be disastrous. With growing responsibility thrust upon them, an unfocused vision of life means that some may flounder for years just trying to get their act together.

Often, our martial arts school is the first to convey to young people such concepts as self-discipline, focus, respect and responsibility in very concrete ways, in ways children can relate and understand.  That is what is great about most martial arts programs.

By introducing the concepts of self-discipline, responsibility and focus at an early age, plus encouraging children to practice, explore and take these concepts outside of the kwoon (school), you help make their lives better. It's not about (the approval of) their parents, teachers, or friends, although it is a great fringe benefit when everyone is proud of you, but it's more about them (their own self satisfaction). Self-discipline is a trait or habit that yields a very satisfying and rewarding life.

Usually your students stay with you at least a couple of years if not more. We as educators (that is what we are as martial arts instructors) can make a positive impact and continually reinforce behavior that makes the child stronger in will and character. If you can get just a few of them to start thinking about it now even at the age of six, seven, or eight, they will be much better off later.

She's Come a Long Way Baby!

Saturday was testing day at our school and I for the first time in my life got emotional during a test.

I first met Emelia (names changed to protect the innocent)  when she was about to turn seven years old.  Her uncle, a student at the time, kept saying, “I need to bring her here. She really needs it. It would help her so much.” Finally her concerned grandmother brought her in and signed her up.  

Her motor skills were poor, almost non-existent. She couldn’t jump. She would look down at her feet and try, but she couldn’t do it.  Whatever we asked of her, she would need a few seconds to process the information and then look at her arm or hand as though willing them to move.  She couldn’t get her body to do anything she wanted. There was such a disconnect between her brain and her body that it was disturbing. 

The same disconnect was apparent in other areas.  She was unable to express herself.  The words just would not come. She tried and then would just stop. She also needed many more seconds to process and understand what people were saying to her. She would become embarrassed, flustered, and scared.  She seemed as though she was waiting for everyone to make fun of her or reject her. Apparently this was something she was very used to outside of our school.  She had been labeled.  And everyone labeled her. Whenever anyone spoke to her, her fists would involuntarily go to her mouth. She hid behind her hands.

After a few weeks, we discovered that there was nothing “slow” about her.  She was smart, even if she couldn’t get the words out.  She was good natured and funny.  And more importantly, she was always willing to try.  Sibok (pronounced see-bok, meaning chief instructor) Rocco Ambrose, always made sure Emelia knew how well he thought of her and her efforts.  She just needed a positive, safe, and nurturing environment. A place where her efforts were applauded, her accomplishments were lauded, and where everyone (no negative peer pressure allowed) wanted to help.  So her training began.  That was three years ago.

This past Saturday was testing day.  Ten-year-old Emelia stood in front of Sibok ready to test for her brown belt.  Her focus was intense, her eyes clear.  She listened intently to the directions given her.  She responded immediately. (Prior to the test, I had reminded Sibok to give her a few seconds to process a question, but it was unnecessary.)  She was so on top of things that I was awed. 

Her physical techniques were clean.  She generated power and flow.  The only thing that needed work was her scissors kick.  She could only get it up to her chest.  But if you only knew what an accomplishment that was for her, you would have cheered.

I had spent months with this little girl to get her ready for this test and many tests in the past. I didn’t realized how vested I was in her development until I started to tear up.  When at the end of her test, I saw her looking at Sibok, waiting for his critique; I realized that she couldn’t be called a little girl anymore.

When Sibok came into the office to get her new brown belt, he looked at me (crying and sniffling) and concerned said, “What’s wrong?”  Nothing of course, I was just so proud and awed.