Turning 51 and Still Chasing 4-year olds

I used to have a regular job. You know the kind, the one that when you wake up, you moan audibly, having a tantrum distressed at even the thought. I think, "Maybe I should take a sanity day, today. But, no, I've taken too many of those of late."  The job did give me the varicose veins, the daily knee and leg pain, and the carpal tunnel syndrome, and enough stress that I would dream about all the things that needed to be done or could go wrong at the bank. I couldn't even get away from it when I was sleeping. My health was beginning to be affected. 

When my son turned twelve, I re-evaluated what I wanted out of life.  I realized that I had to make a change.  My husband made an offer I couldn't refuse. Here was an opportunity to make a difference in the lives of children  

Well, my carpal tunnel is gone, my knee pain and leg pain is gone, but those gorgeous varicose veins will be mine forever.

When teaching 4-year-olds, you have to get low to be at their eye level. I've been kneeling and squatting for over five years now and my knees have gotten very strong. My wrists no longer ache because I have to steady them when a new technique is introduced or I pick them up and toss ‘em around or hold them when they climb ropes.

I still huff and puff sometimes trying to match their never-ending energy but thanks to these little darlings; stress has turned into smiles and giggles.

The Seed of Positive Thinking

When someone asks you to try something you have never done before, it's natural to feel hesitation. For a four or five year old its downright intimating.  Some kids won't try at all because they're afraid of making a mistake or looking foolish.  How does one become a perfectionist at the age of five, anyways?

Michael continued to say class after class, "I can't do it.  I don't know how. I can't do that very good."

"Of course you don't know how.  There is always the first time for everyone.  So what if we can't do it the first time, we are just learning how to do it.  We're teaching our body and brains how to do it.  So... Go, Mike."

Michael does it perfectly, or his efforts show great promise. Praise and high fives all around.

"Well, Mike.  I guess I can't believe you anymore."

Michael's eyes get big. "Why?"

"Because every time you tell me you can't do it, you go and do it perfectly the first or second time. So I guess I can't believe you when you tell me you can't.  As a matter of fact, the ONLY person that ever says that you can't do something is, let me see.....

Not me. I always know you can do it.  Not Destiny (his six year old sister and classmate today) because she's always encouraging and offers suggestions on how to do it better, so she obviously believes you can do it too.  Everyone else believes you can do it. Yes, the only person that says you can't do it is Michael.  Your body can do it, because your body is doing it correctly all the time, but your brain is telling it it can't. I wonder why that is? Why does Mike's brain keep telling Mike he can't do stuff?"

Michael makes a surprising discovery.  He points his finger in the air and earnestly says, "My brain is trying to fool me!"

Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall

If you want to get anything done when teaching children, never, ever teach them in front of a wall of full length mirrors. It neutralizes all thinking processes and the brain shifts into a dormant stage where neurons screech to a halt and take a siesta.

The admiration for their own image is apparent by the twinkle in their eyes.  Soon the movement begins. With the boys it starts with lips and tongues.  Soon they're contorting their faces pausing between each face vogue style. The feet start to move and as they watch  in fascination, they jump high into the air, dance, shuffle, perform kung fu moves, and eventually roll about the floor.

Another issue with mirrors - The children can see each other.  They line up in a straight line side by side.  Without the mirrors, they face the teacher and can't see down the line.  But with the mirrors, they can see everyone in line.   Unfortunately for me, they fall like dominoes.  Count to three and there are three to four boys dancing, performing kung fu moves and rolling about the floor.

The girls tilt their head to and fro, usually a quiet stare of admiration or evaluation.   I'm not sure which.  Soon the movement begins.  First the arms swing back and forth ever so slightly and soon the body does too.  The feet move to side to side and a dance breaks out, or some girls start posing, first one angle, then the other.

I bring their attention back over and over.  As we do our drills in front of the mirror, these children are seriously checking themselves out.  They're not paying any attention to technique or the corrections I'm trying to make. Each  mesmerized, hearing nothing, and watching with fascination the child in the mirror.

I had to break up this little love affair.   Since breaking the mirrors is not an option, we moved our Lil' Dragon's class to the next room, you know, the one without the mirrors.

Bowling for Kids

A game, I've learned is a great way to convey lessons.  It may not look so from the outside looking in, but playing a good, raucous, and challenging game will teach more than words ever could.

Of all the games I play, the Lil' Dragons love a game called "Bowling for Kids." Yes it is exactly like it sounds. I am the bowler and they are my pins.  Lucky me.

For some reason beyond me, this is their favorite game.  They will ask to play it as soon as they come through the door.  Whenever I request a suggestion for a game, the Lil' Dragons shout out in chorus, "Bowling for Kids!" It such a simple premise for a game and requires no special skills.  Maybe that's why they love it.

If mowing down little children with a ball sounds like a wish come true, well... I can't help it if they love it too.

What they learn: Controlling the panic response, keeping their eye on the ball, moving in a crowd without knocking anyone over, bravery, overcoming obstacles.

What they love: Running around screaming, dodging, jumping the ball, falling dramatically, cheering, and winning.

Winner - Nickelodeon Parents' Picks Award

For Martial Arts Class
in Detroit

Thank you!

This is an announcement that we are very proud to make. Our school, Ambrose Academy is the winner of the Nickelodeon's Parents' Picks Award for 2009 in the martial arts category. We want to thank all of you that voted for us. Some of you were faithfully voting every day. You know who you are! Special thanks. You made it happen and we appreciate all the support you have given us.

If you would like to see that little blue ribbon next to our name, head over to Nickelodeon's Parents Connection, an online resource for parenting advice and community, which handled the voting.

Parents' Picks businesses were nominated based on recommendations from Nickelodeon's local city editors that live and work in the cities they cover, in conjunction with the sites' user feedback. Only five martial arts schools were nominated for the Detroit Metropolitan area for 2009.

You may ask what do we win? A nice certificate and bragging rights for the year. Considering this was the first year of the awards, our selection to be on the list came from Nickelodeon itself making this award more significant and a great honor.

After this year, other prospective nominees can request to be included for next year's vote, so I'm sure that the field will be much larger.

Our thanks and gratitude to the best students around.

I'm exhausted - Fun & Games at Summer Day Camp

Okay I’m exhausted!

Every year I hold a Fitness Summer Day Camp for just one week at our Livonia school - usually open to our students only. Every once in a while a friend or family member joins the camp, so it isn’t really closed to the public. So if you’re interested my recommendation is to check the camp out. Since the camp is geared for fitness, sports, nutrition, and martial arts our day is full with physical activities and lessons about life long exercise and nutrition. Beyond the martial art classes, the nutrition sessions at lunch, there are plenty of organized and free playtimes.

By the end of the week we are all exhausted so our usual Friday afternoon swim is a blessed relief. I’m talking about me. The kids are still moving around and exercising. I get to sit pool side with my fan and keep a constant head count while the kids and volunteers play in the water for a couple of hours.

The children always look forward to the camp. I know that our camps are successful because I’ve heard the children beg their parents to be there. Children that sign up for only three days end up coming the full five, only because they are having a blast. They get to socialize with their fellow classmates, something they don’t get to do normally because they are always training in class. So these get-togethers help strengthen friendships and forge new ones. This camp a new six-year-old non-member joined in the fun. As soon as all the six year olds met, they started comparing notes on how many teeth were lost so far, what Transformer they wanted to be, and what video games were their favorites. Ah, instant connection.

Again I get to watch the dynamic of the group develop since the ages of the campers range from five to fourteen. I cap the number of attendees to twenty. They may start out by staying in their age group or gender group, but by the end of the week, new friends, new role models to follow, and new playmates are found over and over. It becomes one big friend group. It’s pretty cool to watch.

The weather was incredible all week. When the weather cooperates it gives me a great deal of flexibility in planning the outdoor activities. We all have a blast no matter what the weather because I have a few tricks up my sleeve just in case. Parents tell me that their children sleep like rocks during the week and so do I.

The feedback is tremendous. One mom wondered why her daughter was reading the food labels at the supermarket. Parents tell me that their children are asking for healthier snacks. Of course, I know that it won’t last too long, but at least they are thinking about better nutritional choices. A seed has been planted. They also tell me that their children keep asking to come back to camp.

Every camp builds on the last one. They are truly special events. There are always plenty of surprises. We make sure the camps are really fun, full of activities, and keep the children moving and working off extra calories and excess energy. I’m sure I lost a couple of pounds myself. They are exercising all day long and don’t realize it because it’s all fun and games.

Climbing exercise - parkour style.

WCD Lock In - A Great Time

A few months back, we had a school sleep over, or what is commonly called the WCD (Wing Chun Do) Lock In or Parents Night Out. My list had 28 culprits on it, although I’m sure there are no budding delinquents in the group, we lock them in, just in case of an escape attempt.

This time, it should be interesting. Since Beloved went off to college I have resisted holding any special events at our school. He was such a piped piper, that I felt without him the event lost its “cool” aspect. He led most of the activities and set up the games. So it has been two years since I held the Wing Chun Do Lock In.

I feel differently about it now. The children that used to follow him around and hang on his every word have grown up. They’re the cool kids now. They have become a tight knit group of black belts and leaders and they like each other’s company. The newer students don’t even know who Beloved is, Jim’s the cool guy now.

Another thing I love is to watch is how the group dynamic plays out. Sometimes I get anxious when I have a weird mix of ages or not enough of one age. I want to make sure that everyone feels inclusive. But I am always pleasantly surprised. With children ranging from 5 to 14, it’s interesting to see what groups form, who gravitates to who, who plays best together, where the girls fit in with each other, which of the older children will play gently with the younger ones. I feel like I am a schoolmarm in rural America. All ages of children are under one roof, one class.

To my surprise, all 28 screaming children descended upon the school ready for riotous fun, games and unfettered chaos. All I ask that they stay on the side of caution. Although it may seem outside the realm of reason, I do believe that children should be allowed to go all out in play. Just as they play outside on the playground, I allow them to do so indoors. This is a whole new concept for them. You mean I can run around like a nut, yelling my head off, and no one cares?

My strategy is to let them blow off all that extra energy. They are so excited and completely energized about spending the night with their friends. After the first hour of running around like nuts, they start to settle down. We now can play organized games, watch a movie, or have a bit of quiet time.

Let’s see what happened this time. Girls. This is the first sleep over where there were 14 girls to 14 boys. This tipped the scale. In the past the girl ratio was half or less to that of the boys. Their favorite thing to do was… chase the boys, of course.

One in particular, nine year old Joshua was the girl’s favorite. He had no less than seven girls chasing him about the school. Poor boy. I felt concerned and told him that he just had to say the word and I would gladly put a stop to it. He wasn’t interested, he liked it.

As I watched the action, I saw a glimmer of what the girls saw in him. At one point he runs into the room sliding dramatically to a stop. His hair had fantastic movement to it. It flowed forward, covered his face as he came to a stop then flowed back, almost in slow motion. Sibok (Rocco’s title, meaning chief instructor) and I looked at each other. Did you see that? No wonder the girls are chasing him, the boy looks like a rock star. It doesn’t hurt that he looks like Zac, the lead in High School Musical. He’s doomed.

Jim, the lead volunteer helper is eighteen years old. In our meeting earlier, we discussed recognizing when the frenzy level gets too high. At the peak of play, the noise level settles at a certain decibel or tonality. After years of experience, I have learned that there is a perceptible change in tonality or frequency when the play becomes too raucous. It’s a recognizable early warning system. Warning: a child is going to cry soon or a quarrel is on its way. A quick call to attention immediately drops the energy level to a low hum again.

Jim recognizing that the mayhem was about to get out of hand yelled “Attention!” Good man, he’s learning fast. The children stopped in their tracks and became silent, waiting for his instructions. “Little kids, little kids, you need to slow down and play more quietly. There are small children, watch out for them.” A small voice came from the corner of the room, “I’m a very small child, and I am playing quietly.”

Friendly Fives - Children Safety Issues

Recently I answered a stranger safety question on another site, a question that I have been personally asked many times before and thought this would be helpful to my students and friends as well.

A mom's question: "My five year old daughter loves people. How can I teach her that it’s not okay to talk or hug everyone she meets?"

Here is my perspective:

When my son was five he was very open and outgoing and loved talking to adults. I was conflicted on how best to approach the subject of strangers, searching for a logical non-threatening explanation.

Adults don’t realize that we give children conflicting ideas when dealing with strangers. Although we tell our children not to talk to strangers, they witness their parents talking to strangers all the time. We say hello to people we pass in the street when strolling. We have conversations with strangers while waiting in lines at the grocery store or clothing store. When someone says how cute our child is, we sometimes turn to our child and ask, “Can you say hello to the nice lady.” Besides at this age, you are practically always at their side, so you need to prepare them for the times you are not with them.

Here are just a few of the things we teach in our free stranger awareness program we offer twice a year at our school. This program* is awesome and I recommend** everyone to go see it with your child.

First, you must define – who is a stranger to your child. When I told my five year old son he couldn’t speak to strangers, he kept assuring me he wouldn’t. Then a few months later, he asked me, “Mommy, what’s a stranger?” Blew me away! I never defined the word. I just assumed he knew what a stranger was. Remember sometimes a “stranger” can be someone they know, like a neighbor that lives down the street, but you don’t know very well.

Second, don’t tell them that all strangers want to hurt them. That’s not true. It’s better for you to teach them the scenarios that may come up. Our program does just that. We use plenty of role-play and so should you. Give them the tools to deal with strangers. We teach what to do when a stranger initially approaches or asks them a question. We cover several rules that they must follow.

One rule is that adults that need help MUST ask other adults, not children. Role-play the ploys that stranger use, like giving them candy, money, asking help to look for a missing dog, or getting that free bike out of their van or garage. Remember if a stranger asks your child to do anything, they MUST have your permission FIRST. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Third, point out people that your child can trust if he or she gets lost in a store, the cashier, the security guard, a mom with kids. If you have more than one child and are going out in a crowd, such as a fair or carnival, take a tip from schools, dress the children with the same bright colored shirts. When you need to, it’s easier to find a block of color right away.

Parents must be coaches, making their children more confident in their own abilities to handle certain situations. Even at the age of five, we can prepare them by giving them the tools and ideas that are effective. We must learn to make abstract words and concepts more concrete for children this or any age.

*copywrite program by Ambrose Academy 1994

**My recommendation is based on clients' comments, plus it is good.

Self Discipline

Most martial arts schools that teach children usually offer a word of the month or concept or question of the month.

A few months ago, our question of the month was, “What is discipline?” I'm surprised when the kids in our class give us only one definition for discipline, that it means punishment.

While this is a valid definition, we need to teach a more positive outlook on discipline. In the most basic sense, discipline means self-control, which should be applied in two ways.

First you need the strength to keep from doing the things that get you into trouble, such as dishonesty or disruptive behavior. Second is the strength you have, inside, to do what you know is right. The strength to put homework before play, to get along with siblings as well as other family members, to keep your room clean, to eat the right foods, to get the right amount of sleep, and to live up to your responsibilities to the family and household. 

Discipline can be imposed by authority figures (parents, teachers, etc). And this is, generally, a necessary and desirable first step, as discipline is often a matter of repetition in order to develop consistency.

However, the discipline we need to instill in our young people is self-discipline. It is one trait which when mastered makes life easier, less stressful, and more fun.

As adults, the consequences of an undisciplined life can be disastrous. With growing responsibility thrust upon them, an unfocused vision of life means that some may flounder for years just trying to get their act together.

Often, our martial arts school is the first to convey to young people such concepts as self-discipline, focus, respect and responsibility in very concrete ways, in ways children can relate and understand.  That is what is great about most martial arts programs.

By introducing the concepts of self-discipline, responsibility and focus at an early age, plus encouraging children to practice, explore and take these concepts outside of the kwoon (school), you help make their lives better. It's not about (the approval of) their parents, teachers, or friends, although it is a great fringe benefit when everyone is proud of you, but it's more about them (their own self satisfaction). Self-discipline is a trait or habit that yields a very satisfying and rewarding life.

Usually your students stay with you at least a couple of years if not more. We as educators (that is what we are as martial arts instructors) can make a positive impact and continually reinforce behavior that makes the child stronger in will and character. If you can get just a few of them to start thinking about it now even at the age of six, seven, or eight, they will be much better off later.

She's Come a Long Way Baby!

Saturday was testing day at our school and I for the first time in my life got emotional during a test.

I first met Emelia (names changed to protect the innocent)  when she was about to turn seven years old.  Her uncle, a student at the time, kept saying, “I need to bring her here. She really needs it. It would help her so much.” Finally her concerned grandmother brought her in and signed her up.  

Her motor skills were poor, almost non-existent. She couldn’t jump. She would look down at her feet and try, but she couldn’t do it.  Whatever we asked of her, she would need a few seconds to process the information and then look at her arm or hand as though willing them to move.  She couldn’t get her body to do anything she wanted. There was such a disconnect between her brain and her body that it was disturbing. 

The same disconnect was apparent in other areas.  She was unable to express herself.  The words just would not come. She tried and then would just stop. She also needed many more seconds to process and understand what people were saying to her. She would become embarrassed, flustered, and scared.  She seemed as though she was waiting for everyone to make fun of her or reject her. Apparently this was something she was very used to outside of our school.  She had been labeled.  And everyone labeled her. Whenever anyone spoke to her, her fists would involuntarily go to her mouth. She hid behind her hands.

After a few weeks, we discovered that there was nothing “slow” about her.  She was smart, even if she couldn’t get the words out.  She was good natured and funny.  And more importantly, she was always willing to try.  Sibok (pronounced see-bok, meaning chief instructor) Rocco Ambrose, always made sure Emelia knew how well he thought of her and her efforts.  She just needed a positive, safe, and nurturing environment. A place where her efforts were applauded, her accomplishments were lauded, and where everyone (no negative peer pressure allowed) wanted to help.  So her training began.  That was three years ago.

This past Saturday was testing day.  Ten-year-old Emelia stood in front of Sibok ready to test for her brown belt.  Her focus was intense, her eyes clear.  She listened intently to the directions given her.  She responded immediately. (Prior to the test, I had reminded Sibok to give her a few seconds to process a question, but it was unnecessary.)  She was so on top of things that I was awed. 

Her physical techniques were clean.  She generated power and flow.  The only thing that needed work was her scissors kick.  She could only get it up to her chest.  But if you only knew what an accomplishment that was for her, you would have cheered.

I had spent months with this little girl to get her ready for this test and many tests in the past. I didn’t realized how vested I was in her development until I started to tear up.  When at the end of her test, I saw her looking at Sibok, waiting for his critique; I realized that she couldn’t be called a little girl anymore.

When Sibok came into the office to get her new brown belt, he looked at me (crying and sniffling) and concerned said, “What’s wrong?”  Nothing of course, I was just so proud and awed. 

Senior Wing Chun Do

Chi Sao (Sticking Hands)

Wing Chun Do is an art that states: Can be used by any person, no matter of age, gender, or physical condition. Here is an excellent example of putting that claim into practice. 

For this 78-year old Dearborn resident, Dominick Martinelli never thought he would become a martial artist when he first joined a Wing Chun Do class in 1995.  Martinelli decided to try his hand at learning a self-defense system and has been going twice a week for over twelve years. Martinelli says, “Coming to wing chun do fits right into my lifestyle.  I like learning something while I work out. I always feel good after a class. As long as I feel good, I’ll keep on coming.”

Closing after an opponent

His instructor, Rocco Ambrose says, “Dominick came to us when he was 64 years old and was an enthusiastic student from the start. He told me that training in the martial arts helped him become strong and more focused; especially at a time when he felt he was losing his strength.  Someone would be in for a big surprise if they ever came up against Dominick.  Dominick is a great role model. He embodies what an active lifestyle can do and he understands the healthy impact of a life long exercise program.”

Chief Instructor Rocco Ambrose & Dominick Martinelli

A few years ago, Martinelli retired from General Motors after forty-nine years but quickly found activities to fill up his time.  He is learning tai chi and goes dancing four to five times a week learning new dance steps like ballroom and salsa dancing. “I really enjoy dancing, you meet great people and dancing is good exercise.”

Working on a drill

Martinelli says, “I have always tried to lead a healthier lifestyle. I stayed away from cigarettes, although I occasionally smoke a cigar or have a beer on special occasions. I eat right and get lots of exercise.”

By following Dominick’s example, other seniors can successfully combine critical elements of an active lifestyle. Because he enjoyed his work, he retired later in life. Working helped him to maintain active hours, keeping him on a schedule; getting up early, eating regularly, and scheduling other activities around his working hours. He also found a low impact exercise program with high impact results, his martial arts class, which helped him partly restore and maintain his strength, balance, flexibility, coordination, and endurance. In addition, his new love of dancing has added an aerobic component to his physical activities.

Quick trap and a strike 

Studies show that exercise is safe for people of all age groups and that older adults hurt their health far more by not exercising than by exercising. In general, men over 40 and women over 50 should check with their doctor before doing vigorous activity. Older adults, regardless of age or condition, benefit greatly by increasing their physical activity to a moderate level, which is among the healthiest things you can do for yourself.

When asked what he has gotten out of his martial arts experience, Martinelli says, “I found out that I still could generate power and strength. It motivated me to try new things. At the same time, I’m learning something about self-defense, keeping active and interacting with people much younger than myself. I like learning and I do the things that make me happy.” 

 

  Block and a strike. 

Stranger Safety Program

We just did a program about stranger safety and  awareness at H.R. Elementary School, K-4th grade. Watching this program is such a rewarding experience.

Not only because of the great presentation made by Rocco Ambrose, that is just the beginning. He engaged the children through so many avenues that his presentation was a real thrill ride. He created such an exciting atmosphere of learning that every child in the auditorium (and there was 325 of them) wanted to participate and were fully vested in the process.  Their attention was complete. His talent to teach and enthrall an audience of all ages was apparent.

Then there is the other side of the equation, the kids themselves.  Watching their reactions to the program is fun to watch, because the children are having great fun. Their enthusiasm is infectious. Soon more and more hands go shooting in the

air in unison, begging to be chosen. The kindergartners were as attentive and as impressive as the fourth graders. The synergy created by teacher and student is amazing. 

That's why I think that this program is such a success.  It gives the message of stranger safety to children in a way that speaks to them.  The steps are easy to follow. The children understand the steps and have fun learning them.   They are eager to participate, an integral part 

of the process, helping children retain this vital information longer. 

After the presentation, the principal of the school told Mr. Ambrose that one particular first grader that had volunteered was language delayed.  She was amazed that this little boy understood every word and every direction. He performed every step correctly, except the last one.  So Mr. Ambrose had asked him back to make the correction, clarified his directions, and asked him to do it again. No hesitation at all, the first grader did what he was asked to do.  

By creating an exciting atmosphere of learning, every child can focus on the message of stranger safety. Kudos to Mr. Rocco Ambrose for an excellent program.

Rocco Ambrose has made this presentation to area schools and organizations for over fifteen years.  Thanks to Diane Webb, Wayne County Commissioner, for bringing his program to schools in the Wayne County area.  

Blown Away

We recently held a junior black belt test at our school.  We hold them twice a year. Sometimes the number of junior black belt candidates varies from two juniors to as much as six. But this day, we had only one candidate ready, Lindsay. After the test, her mother sought me out, looking awestruck and proud. She had to tell me that she had no idea that this test was going to affect her and her husband is such a profound way. They were blown away.  

Mom had sat in on many a class while her daughter trained. She’s watched Lindsay train and thought the junior black belt test would be more or less the same thing she witnessed every week. She wasn’t prepared for the magnitude of the moment. Lindsay’s parents kept expressing their gratitude over and over.

It was one of those gratifying moments that affirm everything we strive for when training young people in the art of Wing Chun Do.  When parents tell me that they were blown away, I know we are doing something right.  I sometimes worry about what parents think of our teaching method.  I’m not worried about our method just sometimes their perception of what we are doing.  Lindsey’s parents’ outpouring of support and gratitude and the connection I felt really touched me. Even though some parents sit and watch during class, they sometimes don’t understand what the ultimate goal is.  They think and their children may think it’s the black belt. Full realization comes to them the day of the test. They begin to understand what Lindsay has accomplished and what she has gained.

The number of people there to watch and support Lindsay blew mom and dad away. Besides Lindsay’s family, every parent that had a child wearing a black belt was there.  Every black belt was there, and most of the children student body ages 5-14 and their parents.  Our children and adult classes are separate but many of the adults came to watch Lindsay test, too.  Everyone understood that this was special; a junior black belt in Wing Chun Do Gung Fu, an event that should not be missed.  

The poise and complete concentration they saw in their child’s face throughout the test, blew mom and dad away. The test can be up to two hours long. You can see that Lindsay is in the zone, complete focus on the task at hand and her concentration never waivers. She is listening intently to her instructor, Sibok, for his directions, when he works with her, and when he gives her a variety of opponents of different weights, ages, and gender.  Her focus is complete and this blows everyone away.

Her technique was quick, smooth, and powerful.  For a slight 11 year old, (she said she would be turning 12 in two weeks, thank you very much) she showed her superiority over all her opponents. Every take down, throw, or escape was fast and precise. Typically, during a test, you can see the wheels turning in the kids’ heads while they think a technique out. But Lindsay showed no hesitation in executing technique.  Her response was immediate, spontaneous and just flowed out of her. It blew everyone away.

By now she has demonstrated all her kicks, her striking and blocking skills, her break falls, her rolls, her bag work, her trapping skills, her grappling skills, her reading skills, and her conceptual knowledge of Wing Chun Do.  Now it’s time for kumite, which means she has to apply her skills in competitive situations against different opponents. She has to demonstrate kumite in two separate applications.   First is applying her grappling skills against her opponents. Second is applying her Wing Chun Do skills wearing headgear and gloves. Her ability to defend herself, to take advantage of openings, and the ability to use offensive skills precisely and effectively, blows everyone away.

What also blows everyone away is that throughout this process, we are all having fun. Lots of laughter, jokes, highlights, and awe further drive the exciting atmosphere.  The joy of what is happening starts to spread. The positive energy in the room grows. The respect of her teachers, parents, students and her peers, at what this little girl is accomplishing is immense. They begin to realize that this is more than just a black belt test.  This is a rite of passage.

Then Lindsay performed the Sil Lim Tao, a wing chun form that consists of a salutation and eight loops. The room falls silent, not a sound is heard while they watch every move she makes. Lindsay takes her time with each technique, and her precision and focus is beautiful to watch. Thunderous applause erupts when she finishes with her bow.

Finally her test is over.  The last thing she has to do is read her essay aloud. She reads what becoming a black belt means to her and what she has discovered about herself. 

Now for the symbol of all she has been working for, her black belt.  It is tradition and part of ceremony that her sifu (instructor) ties the black belt around his student’s waist for the first time. She watches intently while Sibok ties her belt.  I always liked this part of the ceremony, because every new black belt student watches just as intently. They don’t look up at family and friends until the knot is finally tied and Sibok gets up. Then Sibok presents Lindsay, our newest Wing Chun Do Junior Black Belt and everyone is blown away. 

All Girl Class

The demographic of today’s class was different than the usual.  After we bowed in, I realized that the students today were all girls, nine of them to be exact, ages 8-13. This has never happened before. No male students, which means, that for the girls, the male cootie count was almost non-existent. There was a noticeable change in their demeanor.  The girls were more relaxed, socially ignited, and very happy to be a crew of all female martial artists. It was going to be interesting to see how this dynamic would play out. 

One of my favorite things about teaching children martial arts, is not what I am about to teach them, it is what I am about to observe and learn from them.  And with this group of budding female martial artists, I knew I was about to gain a new insight, if only I could get them to stop grinning at each other, grabbing each other’s hands, and talking a mile a minute.

I decided to drop the usual curriculum and concentrate on anti-abduction techniques we present at our women’s self defense seminars.  When I told them we were learning “secret girl techniques” they were “tickled pink.”  Sorry, I had to say it. They practiced grab escapes, kicking drills that target the knee, and targeting the eyes to set up their get away. As always when lessons are over, I asked what game or drill they would like to play before going home, wondering what an all girl crew would pick?

Surprise! One of the girls, petite L, wanted to play Battle Ball, a variation on the game Dodge Ball.  All the girls really wanted to play, which surprised me.  In Battle Ball, you stay in the game if you block the incoming ball with a kick, an arm block, a catch, or by punching the ball. After a while we throw in a second ball.

At first I thought this was an unusual request for the girls. The boys always dominate when playing Battle Ball and always make sure to get all the girls out first, even going so far as to double team to do it.   (By the way, is this a secret unwritten boy rule or just thousands of years of genetic code?”)

But then it hit me. (Pun, intended.) The girls never get a chance to finish a game. In reality, they barely get any game time at all, let alone ever be the last one standing.  Without the boys there, they could compete on an equal footing within their own peer group. It meant that this time, at last, the winner was always going to be a girl.

The dodge balls we use are super-spongy and soft.  Some of the boys can make those things fly, so it can sting a little, but nothing like the cannonballs of rubber that we used to hurl at one another when I was a kid.  Those things could drop you where you stood.  “Stretcher please!”

Before, the girls rarely got the chance to experience the full range of drama that is the game of Battle Ball. I assumed that the girls would step it up a notch and show a more competitive spirit because this time, there was a real chance to win. But they fell into the same pattern as that when playing with the boys. It seemed automatic, running away, hiding, and throwing the ball from too far away or without aiming at a target. I thought, “Come on. What is there to be afraid of?” and then the cliché bubbled up,  “You all throw like girls anyways?” Boy, am I sexist or what? Only one of the eight girls played full out, and she dominated the game. Of course, it was petite L. who had asked to play it.

I felt frustrated because this was not what I had expected. Here was a chance for the girls to be more assertive; to take a chance, but a few didn’t even try. I assumed that since there were no boys that the girls would alter the way they played the game. But they played the game exactly the same. Those that didn’t try automatically believed there was no chance to win.  The girls that made an effort but played it safe rarely won, but their hope burned eternal. The girl that didn’t think twice when an opportunity presented itself, won.

I took the game a step further. I gave each of the girls a ball and we picked one girl.  She had to block everything coming in.  No turning and running, no hiding behind another classmate.  We did this over and over again until they could stand there fearless and block every ball coming in.  Then the girls practiced going after the ball, to take the chance to grab it before the other person.  They practiced holding onto the ball and getting very close to their opponent and targeting.  A second ball was introduced to increase the difficulty. After the game, we talked about fear, assertiveness, confidence, awareness, cunning, and technique.  The difference was that they were now playing with their eyes open and willing to face whatever was coming at them, not shutting their eyes and running away. Did it sink in or will they revert immediately to the same patterns when the game goes co-ed?

But wait, the girls didn’t try to hurt one another did they? The boys’ ability to hurl the ball like a stinging missile with the hope of hearing that wonderful “smack” sound coming off someone’s face, was their eternal joy. This element of the game was missing. Under these conditions would the girls revert to their old ways?

This class makes me think about starting a class for the girls only.

Awesome Nomination for Nickelodeon's Parents' Pick Award

Just got notice that our school was nominated for Nickelodeon's Parents' Pick Award for 2009. Nickelodeon is usually known for their annual Kids' Pick Awards, but this year they are offering parents a chance to cast their vote for the best of the best in thirty different categories, including best museum for families, best playground or park, best martial arts class and more.

The businesses have to be family friendly and based on recommendations from Nickelodeon's local city editors that live and work in the cities they cover, in conjunction with the sites' user feedback. I have to thank students and their families for some of the great testimonials they have given about our school. It is because of you that we have been nominated for this award.

It would be nice to get the recognition and of course we would love to win the award for 2009. But knowing that we have impacted the lives of so many of our students is very rewarding on its own. Thank you.

Ellie Belen

I Did It

It’s always an adventure when I get new students especially the four to six year old crowd. I’m wondering what type of personality will I be dealing with today. When we first meet, the children can be really quiet or unsure of themselves and of me. They can be totally undisciplined making my class chaotic and definitely less productive for everyone in the coming days. Others are thoughtful and aware, others are living perpetually it seems in “cartoon land.” Some are so gregarious, dancing around with joy all the time or bold with boundless energy that makes me just weak with “oldness” just watching them. It makes me feel a little guilty that I have to temper down all the enthusiasm so that we can get down to work (and play).

Yesterday, I met a little girl with her hair up with lovely wispy spirals of hair falling around her face. I’ll call her Lacey. She sat down on the mat with her hands in her lap looking quietly at me with big saucer eyes waiting to see what was going to happen next. She reminded me of a character in a book I once read to my son, one that had pictures of lovely woodland fairies tending to the flowers and the trees. Her five-year-old brother, the bold one, kept me well informed on the latest Spongebob episodes along with a long list of all the things he could do and show me if I was willing to watch. The class went well and everyone had a good time.

The following day in class, I decided to pass on to my assistant the Lil’ Dragons that were seasoned veterans and concentrated on the newbies. They get special attention and I get to evaluate their physical skills and needs. Still quiet and thoughtful, Lacey listened carefully to my directions. She performed well and seemed pleased with her work, but still didn’t say much at all.

Before the end of each class we play a skill game. Today we play rope swing. The children stand on a blue square mat and swing, Indiana Jones style, across “the lava”(red mats) to the blue mat on the other side. They then run around the perimeter of blue mats back to the line for their next turn. Lacey couldn’t figure out how to pick up her legs and swing. On her next turn, when she leapt, I lifted her by her belt, and she safely landed on the mat on the other side. On her next trip, she wanted to try herself and made it. She surprised me because she started chanting, “I did it.” Then emphatically say, “I DID it!” She celebrated all around the perimeter of the mat; emphasizing a different word in that powerful sentence each time she said it. On her next turn she made it again. Again she shot up her hands and kept saying over and over, “I did it.” But she said it to no one but herself. Extraordinary!

Most children quickly look to their parents to see if mom and dad had witnessed their great feat of heroism or athletic prowess. You heard the line a thousand times. “Watch me, mommy. Waaatch Meee.” Or look to me as their coach and instructor for approval, encouragement, and some quick high fives. I was expecting the typical reaction, looking to someone else for confirmation, but Lacey’s reaction was new. It didn’t even occur to her to look for anyone else. She was reveling in her triumph, by herself. She didn’t need outside approval or applause. She was applauding and self-encouraging and repeating a powerful phrase that I am sure she will say a thousands of times more in her lifetime. I did it!

A Little Heaven of Earth

Initially, this was not my thing. After a whole year of cajoling, badgering and exhorting the virtues of the learning to kick someone’s butt properly, Rocco, my husband, finally persuaded me to join the martial arts school he was attending. The school was 40 miles away. Yikes! Being the only other adult female in the class, disturbing. So I grabbed Little Sister, because I’m a chicken, and forced her to go with me.

Rocco loving the art so completely decided he would one day become an instructor and open his own school. I wholeheartedly supported his entrepreneur ambitions and helped part time in the evenings by signing up students, selling equipment and office work.

By this time, working at the bank (my full time job) was sucking all of the life out of me. I worked there for twenty years. What was once an engaging, fulfilling, and comfortable life as a banker became a dreary, anxiety filled, demanding, and demeaning life as a tool.

The final straw came at a manager’s meeting. When one of the manager’s complained that he hadn’t seen his toddler daughter for four months, the president of the company told him so what? In essence it was either a choice between family time versus building a career. I was shocked, but not surprised. I thought of my own son, now twelve and realized I didn’t have much time left with him.

After a whole year of cajoling, badgering and exhorting the virtues of teaching others how to kick someone’s butt properly, Rocco finally persuaded me to join his martial arts school full time. So here I am at the age of fifty, teaching children classes and I have been doing that for the last nine years.

My lifestyle has changed completely. I was with my son and husband blissfully living life our way together. Good people who love their children, who live life well, and live life with love, surround me. I get to play everyday with kids of all ages, especially my 4-6 year olds. Rocco, David and I have built a community of students and friends that support and encourage each other. Over half of them have been with us for over a decade. We try to make a difference in the lives of our students, to gain the confidence they need to live life to its full potential and to live it without fear.

This is my little piece of heaven on earth.